My Road … Soliloquio – NaPoWriMo – April 10, 2014

Film poster - 1985

Film poster – 1985

Almost to this very day
Back in 1987 we met
At a friend’s house …
We had lunch – and began to talk,
We didn’t go with them for their walk, but,
Then the evening came and we went
To an essay cinema  to see,
“Il Bacio Della Donna Ragno”.
I don’t remember the film at all …
For we talked and talked some more,
Whilst the others hushed us up.

An intellectual you were
And I, just a working girl,
So enamoured with all the novelty,
Of serious important talk,
About the world that was so off…
Of politics and psychoanalysis
And finding oneself and commitment,
But most of all of art…
We’d been together but a week
And you began your late in life’s work,
Creating from the raw material
Of an American working girl,
An intellectual like you.

And so our story began
You my guru more than just my man …
I’d been intensely active in other ways, but
You tried to change my Stochanov ways
My intense commitments to the exclusion of all …
Especially you …
You tried to form me into your reflection,
A mirror image of how all life should be …
And I would have been all too glad to comply,
Had I just known how.

I, so fascinated by your clarion call …
That each person must do their all,
To be what they were intended to be …
To walk one’s own path …
Follow one’s own heart and be what she should’ve been,
From the moment of birth, to the end …
Think of oneself from time to time,
And try to change the world … and more,
All this seemed so right to me …
And so I left my daily habits,
To begin walking a rocky road.
Only to find now, 28 years later,
That for you it was only a theory
Which you never applied
To yourself.

For years I let you run rough-shod
Upon my personality …
Believing that I was in the wrong
That somehow I just didn’t understand …
Until one day after 15 years, the bubble burst …
And I saw you for what you were,
Then looked inside myself …
To realize that what I am is worth
A different kind of fight …
From that night, there’s been some change …
Mostly from my point of view
And you …
You, were so confused,
That I then refused,
To play the game anymore …
So then the dance and music changed
As I began to dance to my own song …
Now the refrain I hear almost every day, is,
“You always do what you want to do!” …
Which was why I set my life up with you
Back in 1987.

Life is such a mystery …
It gives us what we need to grow
It leads us to the people we need to know
To fulfill the potential with which we’re born
Each man and woman have within
The story that they need to write
That story so unique, so right …
That no one else can know or see
Until the story begins to unfold …
You may not like what you read …
Because you are you and I am me   …
But all that we really have to do,
Is respect each other’s right to walk
Upon the path of their destiny …
Which each discovers upon the rocky road
Of life.

napo2014button1Written for NaPoWriMo 2014.

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6 thoughts on “My Road … Soliloquio – NaPoWriMo – April 10, 2014

  1. This is so powerful and so true. At first I thought it was going to be some nice anniversary tribute, and then… Wham! “Only to find now, 28 years later, That for you it was only a theory Which you never applied To yourself.” There is a lifetime of learning, and love, and hurt, and acceptance, and growth in these lines. I’m still shaking.

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  2. Wow! that was really deep and yet empowering the way you addressed the “awakening”. It hit close to home a lot and I am still pondering on my own 28 yrs passed…you write beautifully, Georgia, invoking much reflections. Bless you, you are right in that there are may paths to take on the rock road of life and what is spectacular and moving are the people and things you encounter along the way.

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    • Thanks for sharing your thoughts…I really think that life presents us with challenges, or maybe it’s just us who choose to challenge ourselves, I haven’t decided. However which ever it may be, we learn and grow taking up the challenges if we can only learn from the expierience we have. And it’s sometimes terribly rewarding meeting people and sharing along that rocky road!

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      • It had me thinking…what could I have done differently? Then I started remembering…ah, yes. It is powerful how people around me have tried to convince me that I made a poor choice and yet…none walked in my shoes. I do value each and every person I have met along the way however…I have grown that much more with each encounter.

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        • People always think better, or so they think, from the outside. They don’t have the full picture, just what is shown to them. After a certain age, I just stopped worrying about what they had to say, unless of course there was something useful I could glean from their advice. But I agree with you, each encounter has given me something with which to grow and also has taught me, well unless you’ve been inside someone else’s shoes it’s better to just listen and be sympathetic,,,judgement is not only cruel at times but stupid.

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