The Pixieland Affair – Faery Story – June 11, 2014

Tom Barbey

… “In Pixieland
A traffic jam
Is a very important affair!
The traffic cop pulls his hair
When drivers start their toots!
Near theThoroughfare’s roots,
The going can get tough,
I mean really just really rough,
When the tourists stop to walk …
And then they start to talk …
In their moseying Tourist way.

I remember the day …
‘Twas back in twenty – five
When  out of the sky fell a great bee-hive!
The angry bees
Flew like a wild breeze
Along the Thoroughfare!
Cabs stopped their fares
Buses braked but then
Down flew a royal wren …
There was so much havoc
Really quite dramatic
That a full-page got in the history books!” …

Bardeldoc Barnes

I thought I’d start this chronicle with verses 762 and 763 of one of Bardeldoc Barnes’ shorter poems about the Pixieland Thoroughfare.  The story I’m about to tell you began in 1924 HY* near the center of Paris in what is known by the human’s as France.

Josiah Brittlecakes had decided that he would like to do a little free-climbing on the Thoroughfare tree that year and had made his public announcement looking for others to form a climbing group and maybe a guide as well.  Strangely enough, no on had thought to climb the Thoroughfare tree before, so the announcement set up a flurry of interest among the other free-climbers of the age but no guide, of course,  could be found.

26 pixies from all over the world came to Paris with firm intentions of joining Brittlecakes’ expedition.  The most famous was the Teutonic Alpinist, Georg Brattworst with a few of his friends.

Plans were made and the day was set for the Summer Solstice of ’25.  Everyone of course thought this was a fitting date since what better day in the year could there be for high climbing then when the sun was nearest.

The morning of the Summer Solstice came and it was a glorious day indeed!  Naturally, a lot of the local pixies stopped to watch the group begin their historic climb, which did not make Michout Morgot the traffic cop very happy.  The honking, tooting and the general clamor was not only deafening but also dangerous as pixie dust might be pretty good at hiding Pixieland from sight but clamor is clamor and can’t be stopped by a little dust!

Brittlecakes was at the beginning of the line.  He’d had more experience than most at line climbing (it was decided that free-climbing wouldn’t be suited in that particular situation) and had practice with placing safe anchors for the others to hook onto. However, as we said, Brittlecakes was not an expert of this particular tree, so he really wasn’t qualified as a guide.  The climb was supposed to take 3 days to reach the very top of the tree.

Finally after about 5 hours, they came to the first important fork in the tree, so Brittlecakes decided to make base-camp, not realizing there was a rather large hornet’s nest not far beyond which he’d of course not seen.  The history books speak about bee’s hive but in fact they were hornets and of the angrier sort too!

Their tents up and they were having some lunch, when a hornet soldier buzzed nearby to see what all the noise was about.  Being one of the conscientious types the soldier flew back to the nest giving the alarm that a horde of pixies had decided to invade the home-land.

The Teutonic Alpinist Brattworst saw the hornet fly by, decided that where there was one there’d probably be some more, so he got out his automatic pea-shooter and along with the other Teutonic climbers decided to do some big game hunting.

It must be said that Brittlecakes and several others tried to stop them, but they refused to listen to reason. The hunting group just went on their merry way jeering at the others.

The nest was not very far ahead, around a bend.  By now,  the whole hornet’s citadel was in a buzz.  A couple of guards saw the pixies coming long before the pixies saw the nest and were waiting for them.  Brattworst let out a war yodel and his companions replied by bringing their pea-shooters to their shoulders, aiming and in a disciplined fashion firing their weapons, downing 8 hornets in the first flurry of shots.

A general alarm of course went out through the hornet’s citade, a call to arms was inevitable.  Out swarmed the hornets heading towards the wayward hunters.

Brattworst seeing that they might soon be overcome, ordered his fellow hunters to aim for the branch from which the nest hung in order to knock the thing down.  They were excellent marksmen alas and the hornet’s nest began to tumble, the soldiers following it down in buzzing despair.

The hornet’s nest fell right onto the main entrance to the Thoroughfare.  Traffic not only jammed tight but some of the more silly tourists began to leave their vehicles and run for their lives.  It was a really tragic affair so many uselessly lost their lives!  If they’d only sat tight!

Good Queen MariaClaire heard the up-roar all the way off in her palace.  She called out her favorite royal wren as well as her police guards to go and investigate what had happened.  Fortunately for Pixieland, she herself came along as well and was able to meet with the Queen of the hornets.  A truce was called.

The royal guards flew up  the Thoroughfare tree on their wrens, soon finding the expedition which they removed immediately off to the palace.

Brattworst and his cohorts were taken into custody then tried at the International Pixie Court at Le Havre and found guilty of hunting without a license in a populated area. They were banned from climbing for life and had to spend 4 years doing socially useful work for the Pixieland government, which included the complete renovation of the hornet’s nest they had so wantonly destroyed.

From those dark days in history until today no one has climbed the Thoroughfare tree.  It has in fact been proclaimed a World Pixie Wildlife Preserve.  Justice done, peace now reigns between the pixies and the hornets, thanks to the prompt action of our good Queen MarieClaire.

*HY Human Years

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Written for: Mindlovesmiery’s Menagerie Photo Challenge # 12