Just a Note – A Confession – August 16, 2014

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My old art work

Dear World,

Some of you who have been following me for ages have probably noticed that lately I’ve been writing less than usual … and commenting and reading posts even less. I have to make a confession here, my problem is a relationship problem.

I’ve been with my husband for around thirty years and in these thirty years I’ve had many interests that irked him.  He is the sort of person who encourages others to “develope their talents” as he does but anything that is outside his control irritates him.  Although throughout the years I’ve started projects and have had success with them, the tension that grows constantly usually blocks whatever enthusiasm and energy that I have to continue along that particular path.  It’s the constant erosion of his daily laments and criticisms that eventually, for a bit of peace, makes me decide to stop whatever I’ve begun.

I wasn’t surprised then when once I started blogging to start getting flack about how much time I waste on the computer and Internet.  The bone he picks is that Internet isn’t the real world and that I’m wasting my time writing because I’ll never be able to publish anything.  Plus, I certainly shouldn’t be indulging in those “silly useless social communities” and the like.  Try as I might to explain to him that blogging isn’t Facebook has been a waste of breath.  So, I usually blog from around 4 or 5 in the morning and stop when he gets up.  Sometimes I go to the local library when it’s open or to my favorite caffè where they have given me their password so that I can write or read.

Once upon a time, he would have gotten up around 10 … so I had time to read and write without any serious problems.  Lately though he’s been getting up at 7 or max 8.  Believe me, it’s not as though I neglect anything … it’s just that he doesn’t write.  If he were to have a blog, then probably there would be less problems … except he’d probably have something to say about me writing poetry instead of something more socially moving. He thinks haiku, by the way,  is a structural straight jacket leaving no room for true creativity.

Anyway … not to go into details, I just wanted everyone to know why I’m not doing all the commenting and reading that I should, especially on those sites where I participate doing prompts.  I’ve considered not doing prompts to avoid the problem, but I do so enjoy them.

I know by the way, that I’m not alone in this particular boat.  There are many other people who have a similar problem at home. I’ve decided to keep on with this project, even if it means daily struggle and stress.  I know I’m no Hemingway but writing has so enriched me that to stop now would really leave a gaping whole in my soul.

With affection,  Georgia.

 

60 thoughts on “Just a Note – A Confession – August 16, 2014

  1. You are so right, Bastet, you are not the only one in this boat! I love my husband dearly, everybody knows that, especially him, but he can be very demanding of my time, too, and as you say, it is what it is. He is who he is. I had to push back pretty hard early in the spring after my blog was about 3 months old and he was getting ugly about too much time wasting on the computer. After the 2nd nuclear meltdown rained on his head he finally backed off the complaining! I also stay up late into the night trying to catch up with my writing. Hang in there and try this trick, at least it will make you laugh next time he whines: I once had a really old goat and he was miserable, all the time making lots of noise to get attention from us when we were in the house, but he was only doing it for attention, he didn’t need food or water, he was fine! But he was loud, cantankerous anda pain in the butt! Now when my husband gets cranky, I just blow him off like that old goat – he doesnt need food, or drink or even all that attention, I certainly give him more than enough already, so he’s just being noisy like an old goat and needs to be ignored!
    I also got him a tablet like mine and he spends more time watching movies on youtube, that really helped a lot, too! He likes it better than the tv because there’s no commercials and he can find all his favorite actors and actresses.
    Hope you two work it out, sometimes the road gets bumpy, but it smooths out sometimes, too. Keep writing and reading, Dearheart, have confidence in your right to spare time for yourself! Love and best wishes for peace and smooth sailing ♥♥♥ ;^)

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    • Thanks so much Aisha for sharing with me your “adventures” … I’ll remember your old goat next time I find myself in this situation. Hopefully we’ll find a way in the meantime I’m not going to give in this time. Thanks for your encouragement. And may peace follow you also. Ciao, Georgia.

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      • Hello Bastet! I saw a writer’s market listing that made me think of you, so I’m copying it here for you in case you are interested in a little freelance article writing:

        ITALIAN AMERICA
        219 E St. NE
        Washington DC 20002

        Phone: (202)547-2900
        Fax: (202)546-8168
        E-mail: ddesanctis@osia.org
        Website: www.osia.org

        Contact Dona De Sanctis, editor.

        About: Italian America provides timely information about OSIA, while reporting on individuals, institutions, issues, and events of current or historical significance in the Italian-American community.

         Quarterly magazine

        Freelance Facts
        Established: 1996
        Simultaneous Submissions: Yes
        Guidelines available online.
        Buys worldwide nonexclusive rights.
        Byline given.
        Pays on publication.
        Queries accepted by mail,e-mail,fax
        Sample copy free.
        Publish period after acceptance: Publishes ms an average of 3 months after acceptance.
        Editorial lead time 3 months.
        Nonfiction Needs: historical, little known historical facts that must relate to Italian Americans,interview,opinion

        current events 8

        Submission Method: Query with published clips.

        Length: 750-1,000 words.

        PhotographyNo Answer

        Tips: “We pay particular attention to the quality of graphics that accompany the stories. We are interested in little known facts about historical/cultural Italian America.”

        ♥♥♥ who knows, maybe it’s worth a try?! ;^) ♥♥♥

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        • Wow … thanks! I’ll look into this, but frankly I don’t have much to do with the Italian American community … just the Italian one, but one never knows. Very kind of you to think of me here!

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          • Sure, no problem! I was thinking you might know some historical figures from among prominent (lol or notorious) italians who migrated to America, might make some interesting stories! ♥♥♥ ;^)

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          • Unfortunately I don’t … I’m German origin actually and have had little to do with Italian Americans. But they would certainly make interesting stories … if they didn’t have to actually be based in truth 😉 <3<3<3 2 u 2! And thanks again.

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          • Lol, how funny! I guess it might not work, after all, but I know you could make up some great stories! Maybe an italian who went to germany, hated the food so he immigrated to new york to make pizza… lol, german sausage pizza! Ciao bella! Have a great weekend! ♥♥♥ ;^)

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          • LOL … now that would be quite a story … and who knows maybe somewhere along the line there was such an Italian 😉 Thanks and hop you had a great week-end too!

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  2. If writing makes you feel complete, continue and take no notice of negativity; it’s unworthy. Criticism comes easily to those who are prepared to merely look on rather than participate. Keep at it..

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  3. Oh Georgia! I’m so sorry to read about this! And… I know there’s not one damned thing I can say or do to help the situation, dammit! If you CAN stop writing, by all means you should! 😉 But if you’re like me, you can’t!

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    • Aye … There’s the rub dear friend … I can’t stop even the idea of stopping put a black cloud over me. Thanks for the note though. The only one who can actually do anything is number one … and I’m doing what I can to try to get around this particular block. Hugs.

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  4. I know what you are talking about…I sit here when he’s not at home or is sleeping. it’s difficult, and sometimes very depressing with negativities, but this is my relaxing and input time too. What’s sad is that I don’t have time to read as much as I would like to. I try to post.
    Don’t give in to his will though – you know what you need!

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    • I know that the problem isn’t only my own. I’ve actually read something about it on BlogHer, so it’s a big enough problem to merit their attention. Yes, I do my blogging when he’s asleep or isn’t at home … like now at 5:30 in the morning. And I’ll drop off as soon as he gets up.

      Writing has been such a wonderful experience that I just refuse to give in this time. As you said it’s the lack of time to read others that is the most difficult problem to solve.

      Thanks for sharing with me and you keep writing too!

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  5. Sorry to hear that Georgia. My hubby sometimes complains I am on the ‘blog’ too much, but sometimes his argument is right. I have little spare time, so why waste it/use it all indoors when I could be doing other things. For me it is my hobby to de-stress and allow me to be creative. I have told him this, so he is more understanding. I also try to find the balance and not spend to much time focused on the blog. Good luck… and do what you can.

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  6. I’m so sorry Georgia. I’m one of many here who has been in the same boat. Even if it’s just a little time each day, I hope you can continue to write because it’s so important to nurture your heart and soul via your writing. Sending lots and lots of hugs your way —-

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    • Well I know that many sail upon this mystic boat … struggling against intemperate storms and rocky shoals but never imagined you to be one of the passengers. I’ll continue to write as often as I can. This life I have is the only life I know exists … I’m not going to wait for the possible next one to come in order to do what makes my heart and soul grow. I’ll just have to pull out a little anger maybe — Thanks for sharing.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Struggling with this with my husband. For twenty years I’ve tried to avoid conflict at all cost – and for what? I’ve wasted so many years and dropped too many projects and interests.

        For the record, my husband doesn’t know my blog address and has not read my poems. He knows I’m online doing a lot of research and writing — but not exactly what I’m doing. I hate having to lead a kind of double life – but if I lose this outlet I will go utterly insane. It was the same with my painting — “I don’t understand it. It doesn’t really *look* like a tree. Um, okay, we don’t have to hang it up, do we?” Not going through this with my haiku or haibun or any of my writing. Nope. This is mine.

        I suspect some of the reasons you don’t want to fight … but this is important for you … and so many of us (the “imaginary folk”, LOL) are rooting for you.

        [Hugs!]

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        • Jen, I just read this and reading it was like walking through my own past and thoughts. When I started writing on the Library, it was just a lark, and I didn’t realize how important writng could become for me. It makes me happy and gives me an outlet that I never realized possible for all those stories and poems that sat inside me and found their way out occasionally on a notebook. Then I discovered We Drink or We Drink discovered me whichever and the poetry exploded … then came photography. Each step was like a liberation. Over the years I’ve backed off from many of my projects and interests but doing so didn’t make life any easier in the end. But the cost to me has been enormous. I just don’t want to back down again, the whole idea is just too depressing.

          Thanks for sharing with me. I never would have thought you could have these same problems. This is one fight I don’t intend to back away from. Hugs to you to.

          Liked by 1 person

          • Thanks Georgia — it’s so good to know someone understands. I wish things were different – for both of us! – but until that time we have to fight for what’s important to us – what keeps us sane – what makes us feel fulfilled. We’re worth it. 🙂

            With love!

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          • Yes we are worth it … I just read a comment from one of my young teenage readers … and realized that this problem is somehow tied up in the old authoritarian paternalistic mode. Kind of daddy knows best what’s good for you. Funny at my age to be treated like a wayward little girl … :-/

            I know what you mean when you write that it’s good to know someone understands and there have been quite a few understanding voices due to this post. You’re comments brought the hen home to roost.

            I DO understand and as you say .. if it means a fight, then that’s how it is but it is important to fight for what’s important to us and what keeps us sane and fulfilled. We are definately worth it! 🙂

            Liked by 1 person

          • Part of my issue is that my husband is 20 years older than I am, and i met him when I was very young. And afraid to stand up for myself. And that exacerbates what you call that ‘authoritarian paternalistic mode’. Our husbands aren’t that far apart in age or in mindset.

            So anyway – I don’t want to take up too much of your writing time this evening! We are indeed worth it and this much will be ours. 😀

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          • And mine is 10 years older than I but born into a culture of male dominence .. and I was at a very difficult moment in my life and wanted a stable serious person as a partner … sometimes it’s better not to get what we think we want 😉
            These interludes are as much of the blogging and writing experience as all the rest. I enjoy sharing our little private renga and sharing info and experience.

            Liked by 1 person

          • I love our renga too! And it’s so good to know that we’re kindred spirits. 🙂

            Yes indeed. Be careful what you ask for. So many times I’ve wished I could go back in time and shake some sense into myself. But … I do have a great son. Life goes on. And we write! 😀

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          • My own consulation is my son as well … he’s my best reader and confidant … now that he’s 25. And he wouldn’t be here without his father … So we write!

            Liked by 1 person

  7. I’m a teenager with parents… I can empathise! ^_~ Good luck and hang on! It would be a shame to supress talent, especially yours, which is apparent to me despite not quite grasping poetry.

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    • Ah thanks so much DragonSpark … I think somehow that a teenager could have little problems empathizing here. In a way it’s the same old paternalistic problem … I should just ignore the backlash … Thanks for the encouragement.

      Like

  8. Pingback: Yesterday’s Posts – August 18, 2014 | Bastet and Sekhmet's Library

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