Writing with Fuyuko Tomita – February 14, 2015

Posted on February 14, 2015 by Georgia

This month’s featured poet at Carpe Diem Haiku Kai is a Dutch poet Fuyuko Tomita.

The goal of this CD-Special is to compose an all new haiku in the same sense, tone and spirit as the one given … so here is my attempt to compose an all new haiku in the same spirit as the one by Fuyuko Tomita.

street corner
an emptied street lamp
reflects cold dawn

an empty corner
under a light-less lamp-post
I greet the cold dawn

I turned the corner
an emptied street light
reflects the cold

This is her original poem:

Kantooka magatte shimatta magarikado

Under a cold
street lamp
I’ve just turned
the corner

28 thoughts on “Writing with Fuyuko Tomita – February 14, 2015”

suej on February 14, 2015 at 09:49 said:

I think the second one is best…..

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- Bastet on February 15, 2015 at 07:09 said:
  
  Thanks … my Word draft has about 6 or 7 haiku for this post … I agree, that looks like the best one to me as well .. looking at it now 24 hours later!
  
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  - suej on February 15, 2015 at 09:16 said:
    
    Well, it’s always good to put things down and come back with fresh eyes
    
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    - Bastet on February 15, 2015 at 11:17 said:
      
      Too true .. something I rarely do actually.
      
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      - suej on February 15, 2015 at 13:14 said:
        
        Well, I don’t very often!
        
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Suzanne on February 14, 2015 at 12:19 said:

Shivering in the cold dawn your haiku evoke. There is a bleak quality to these that echoes Tomita’s.

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- Bastet on February 15, 2015 at 06:37 said:
  
  Thanks .. I wasn’t sure if I’d been able to “get into” her style there …
  
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jazzbumpa on February 14, 2015 at 16:48 said:

three similarly bleak impressions
i too think the 2nd one is best

cheers
jzb

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- Bastet on February 15, 2015 at 07:10 said:
  
  Thanks … a bleak sort of prompt I think … and I agree, the 2nd is the best! Thanks jzb!
  
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eclecticoddsnsods on February 14, 2015 at 16:51 said:

theres a sense of desolation with this or isolation i cant work out which x

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- Bastet on February 15, 2015 at 07:12 said:
  
  her original haiku is pretty sombre actually … I think there’s an element of both .. isolation and desolation.
  
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  - eclecticoddsnsods on February 15, 2015 at 09:52 said:
    
    Yes definitely and just to say I spoke with sommerstomy and saw your post for help and said I am happy to do any weeks they can’t cover x
    
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    - Bastet on February 15, 2015 at 11:23 said:
      
      Nice to hear … you should write a line to Yves … I’m sure she’d be happy to hear it .. or if you like, let me have your e-mail address and I’ll send it to her. Would you only be available for Tale Weaving subs?
      
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      - eclecticoddsnsods on February 15, 2015 at 19:41 said:
        
        my email is eclecticoddsnsods@gmail – very happy for you to give her my address. i go away in two weeks for 3 weeks to hospital at the pain management clinic, then back for a week before Easter hols and away for a week, so realiastically won’t be settled back properly in to things until after Easter. Thing is when you asked, i didn’t think to share it with someone, i just can’t really commit to doing something extra once a week, but could ‘possibly’ share something with someone else or help out ad hoc, what were you thinking? haha as long as it’s not Japanese poetry lol…sooooo not good at that.
        
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      - Bastet on February 16, 2015 at 06:40 said:
        
        Hi Justine … just read this .. was off line for most of yesterday … I’ll drop this along to our group leader, Yves and see what she has to say … it could be very useful to have someone who can step in from time to time … except for poetry of course 😉 thanks for the offer and hopefully you’ll be able to resolve your pain problems … so sorry you’ve been going through these problems! Hugs and thanks again!
        
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      - eclecticoddsnsods on February 16, 2015 at 13:34 said:
        
        a pleasure xx and thank you for your kind words xxx
        
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magicalmysticalteacher on February 14, 2015 at 17:14 said:

“an emptied street lamp” is a mysterious and magical image!

Turning the Corner

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- Bastet on February 15, 2015 at 07:14 said:
  
  true … the genie has flown!
  
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Jen on February 15, 2015 at 05:45 said:

Very nicely done — a challenging prompt, too. A tough call, deciding which one is “best”! The second is most “technically” perfect — but there’s some unnameable quality in the third that really hits hard. Either way — BRAVA!

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- Bastet on February 15, 2015 at 07:18 said:
  
  I found it challenging and I’m not sure if my response isn’t way off base … I think you’re right … the second is the best of the series. Fundamentally the third is a re-write of the first … I really should have read her poem again a few times … and I actually wrote quite a few before posting these three … but as I said, I don’t think I quite caught her meaning, I think I should have paid more attention to her breaks ….
  
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  - Jen on February 15, 2015 at 07:21 said:
    
    Don’t beat yourself up. It’s a great response and you’re being too hard on yourself. 🙂
    
    You do your best, and in the end, it’s about what inspires you and your muse.
    
    [hugs]
    
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    - Bastet on February 15, 2015 at 07:29 said:
      
      Thanks dear … I’m trying to read my mail … slow as usual. I’d been thinking about that haiku most of yesterday … but of course you’re right!
      
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      - Jen on February 15, 2015 at 07:45 said:
        
        Hey – you’ve got to say “I did my best” and then move on. Right?
        
        But I understand — honest. 🙂
        
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      - Bastet on February 15, 2015 at 11:16 said:
        
        Of course your right … I think that that 4 liner has something to do with the difficulty of creating a “classical” haiku … I tried the four liner this morning on my Haiku and Waka and liked the result.
        
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      - Jen on February 16, 2015 at 06:35 said:
        
        Hey, I took care of Wednesday, okay?
        
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      - Bastet on February 16, 2015 at 07:23 said:
        
        Fine! 🙂
        
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Chèvrefeuille on February 20, 2015 at 02:41 said:

A nice triptych Georgia, three different haiku making one wonderful scene … thank you!

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- Bastet on February 20, 2015 at 11:01 said:
  
  Thanks so much Chèvrefeuille .. I really wasn’t sure how to write for this author .. I’m happy for your encouragement here!
  
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