This month’s featured poet at Carpe Diem Haiku Kai is a Dutch poet Fuyuko Tomita.
The goal of this CD-Special is to compose an all new haiku in the same sense, tone and spirit as the one given … so here is my attempt to compose an all new haiku in the same spirit as the one by Fuyuko Tomita.
street corner
an emptied street lamp
reflects cold dawn
an empty corner
under a light-less lamp-post
I greet the cold dawn
I turned the corner
an emptied street light
reflects the cold
© G.s.k. ‘15
This is her original poem:
Kantooka magatte shimatta magarikado
Under a cold
street lamp
I’ve just turned
the corner
© Fuyuko Tomita
I think the second one is best…..
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Thanks … my Word draft has about 6 or 7 haiku for this post … I agree, that looks like the best one to me as well .. looking at it now 24 hours later!
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Well, it’s always good to put things down and come back with fresh eyes
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Too true .. something I rarely do actually.
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Well, I don’t very often!
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Shivering in the cold dawn your haiku evoke. There is a bleak quality to these that echoes Tomita’s.
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Thanks .. I wasn’t sure if I’d been able to “get into” her style there …
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three similarly bleak impressions
i too think the 2nd one is best
cheers
jzb
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Thanks … a bleak sort of prompt I think … and I agree, the 2nd is the best! Thanks jzb!
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theres a sense of desolation with this or isolation i cant work out which x
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her original haiku is pretty sombre actually … I think there’s an element of both .. isolation and desolation.
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Yes definitely and just to say I spoke with sommerstomy and saw your post for help and said I am happy to do any weeks they can’t cover x
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Nice to hear … you should write a line to Yves … I’m sure she’d be happy to hear it .. or if you like, let me have your e-mail address and I’ll send it to her. Would you only be available for Tale Weaving subs?
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my email is eclecticoddsnsods@gmail – very happy for you to give her my address. i go away in two weeks for 3 weeks to hospital at the pain management clinic, then back for a week before Easter hols and away for a week, so realiastically won’t be settled back properly in to things until after Easter. Thing is when you asked, i didn’t think to share it with someone, i just can’t really commit to doing something extra once a week, but could ‘possibly’ share something with someone else or help out ad hoc, what were you thinking? haha as long as it’s not Japanese poetry lol…sooooo not good at that.
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Hi Justine … just read this .. was off line for most of yesterday … I’ll drop this along to our group leader, Yves and see what she has to say … it could be very useful to have someone who can step in from time to time … except for poetry of course 😉 thanks for the offer and hopefully you’ll be able to resolve your pain problems … so sorry you’ve been going through these problems! Hugs and thanks again!
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a pleasure xx and thank you for your kind words xxx
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“an emptied street lamp” is a mysterious and magical image!
Turning the Corner
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true … the genie has flown!
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Very nicely done — a challenging prompt, too. A tough call, deciding which one is “best”! The second is most “technically” perfect — but there’s some unnameable quality in the third that really hits hard. Either way — BRAVA!
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I found it challenging and I’m not sure if my response isn’t way off base … I think you’re right … the second is the best of the series. Fundamentally the third is a re-write of the first … I really should have read her poem again a few times … and I actually wrote quite a few before posting these three … but as I said, I don’t think I quite caught her meaning, I think I should have paid more attention to her breaks ….
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Don’t beat yourself up. It’s a great response and you’re being too hard on yourself. 🙂
You do your best, and in the end, it’s about what inspires you and your muse.
[hugs]
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Thanks dear … I’m trying to read my mail … slow as usual. I’d been thinking about that haiku most of yesterday … but of course you’re right!
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Hey – you’ve got to say “I did my best” and then move on. Right?
But I understand — honest. 🙂
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Of course your right … I think that that 4 liner has something to do with the difficulty of creating a “classical” haiku … I tried the four liner this morning on my Haiku and Waka and liked the result.
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Hey, I took care of Wednesday, okay?
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Fine! 🙂
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A nice triptych Georgia, three different haiku making one wonderful scene … thank you!
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Thanks so much Chèvrefeuille .. I really wasn’t sure how to write for this author .. I’m happy for your encouragement here!
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