Wind Swept Beach – Haiga Festival – March 27, 2015

hawser haiku

on a windswept beach
lies a broken hawser – lost
a boat drifts freely

© G.s.k. ‘15

(The haiku is not the exact replica of the haiga’s ku – this was in order to create a classical 5-7-5 haiku for Recuerda mi Corezon … which did you prefer?)

Goyocombinghair300_jpg_w300h416rs3

Linked to Recuerda mi corazon

and

Carpe Diem Haiku Kai – Experience

21 thoughts on “Wind Swept Beach – Haiga Festival – March 27, 2015

  1. There are strengths to both versions 🙂
    In this case I prefer the 5/7/5 version because adding “lost” gives the haiku “punch” – and it seems to make you slow down a bit while you’re reading it. Does this help?

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  2. I too, like the 5/7/5. The “lost” makes me wonder where the boat is drifting…alone, and ignites my imagination. The other just makes me think of flotsam washed ashore. Nice job!

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  3. Both versions are wonderful Georgia, but I agree with Celestine (Reading Pleasure) that the first flows more and sounds smoother … I think “lost” in you second version adds nothing, it looks artificial because of the fact that you needed to write a classical 5-7-5 haiku.

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  4. Hello Bastet, I like them both for they each convey different meanings… is it the boat that is lost? Or the rope lying broken upon the sand? Lovely words and image!

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    • Thanks Lea … in the beginning it was a haiku of being freed … but going the 5-7-5 route for some reason I put lost instead of free … and who is lost … the boat, the poet or the rope … interesting question. Thanks for your great feedback, it really pins down some interesting points for me.

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