Bastet and Sekhmet's Library

Stories, poems and thoughts about things I find interesting!

Wind Swept Beach – Haiga Festival – March 27, 2015

Posted on March 27, 2015 by Georgia

on a windswept beach
lies a broken hawser – lost
a boat drifts freely

(The haiku is not the exact replica of the haiga’s ku – this was in order to create a classical 5-7-5 haiku for Recuerda mi Corezon … which did you prefer?)

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Linked to Recuerda mi corazon

and

Carpe Diem Haiku Kai – Experience

21 thoughts on “Wind Swept Beach – Haiga Festival – March 27, 2015”

Cressida on March 27, 2015 at 07:35 said:

Using the boat as a symbol of freedom is inspired. Well done.

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Jen on March 27, 2015 at 08:52 said:

There are strengths to both versions 🙂
In this case I prefer the 5/7/5 version because adding “lost” gives the haiku “punch” – and it seems to make you slow down a bit while you’re reading it. Does this help?

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- Bastet on March 27, 2015 at 15:39 said:
  
  It sure does, and I agree, this time I too enjoyed the longer version better, though I couldn’t have told you why. Thanks Jen.
  
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  - Jen on March 27, 2015 at 19:49 said:
    
    Very welcome 🙂
    
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Annie on March 27, 2015 at 09:25 said:

a little piece of lost now a speck on the sea.

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judie on March 27, 2015 at 13:56 said:

I too, like the 5/7/5. The “lost” makes me wonder where the boat is drifting…alone, and ignites my imagination. The other just makes me think of flotsam washed ashore. Nice job!

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- Bastet on March 27, 2015 at 15:45 said:
  
  Cool … thanks Judie, I’m glad you added this bit of feedback it really helps to see what people see in a poem … especially a haiku!
  
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readinpleasure on March 27, 2015 at 17:15 said:

I prefer the first one. It flows more easily to my ears. 🙂

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- Bastet on March 27, 2015 at 18:07 said:
  
  Thanks for your feedback Celestine … a good reason to prefer it! 🙂
  
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gemma on March 27, 2015 at 19:06 said:

Love both but think I am partial to Haiku. Both tell the story.

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- Bastet on March 28, 2015 at 10:14 said:
  
  Thanks …
  
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magicalmysticalteacher on March 27, 2015 at 19:07 said:

Seems that the boat had a mind of its own!

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- Bastet on March 28, 2015 at 10:14 said:
  
  And not only it 😉
  
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Chèvrefeuille on March 27, 2015 at 19:32 said:

Both versions are wonderful Georgia, but I agree with Celestine (Reading Pleasure) that the first flows more and sounds smoother … I think “lost” in you second version adds nothing, it looks artificial because of the fact that you needed to write a classical 5-7-5 haiku.

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- Bastet on March 28, 2015 at 10:16 said:
  
  Good point made … and something to keep in mind. Thanks for your feedback!
  
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moondustwriter on March 27, 2015 at 21:46 said:

The meaning does change – whereas the first implies freedom the other implies adrift. I like the idea of boat being free – my boat always thought she was…

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- Bastet on March 28, 2015 at 10:17 said:
  
  Good point indeed!
  
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Lea on March 28, 2015 at 03:10 said:

Hello Bastet, I like them both for they each convey different meanings… is it the boat that is lost? Or the rope lying broken upon the sand? Lovely words and image!

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- Bastet on March 28, 2015 at 08:46 said:
  
  Thanks Lea … in the beginning it was a haiku of being freed … but going the 5-7-5 route for some reason I put lost instead of free … and who is lost … the boat, the poet or the rope … interesting question. Thanks for your great feedback, it really pins down some interesting points for me.
  
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Lenora on March 28, 2015 at 22:45 said:

I like the – lost, drifting, free..

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- Bastet on March 29, 2015 at 09:00 said:
  
  Thanks Lenora!
  
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