Carpe Diem Haiku Kai – GW Post – April 8, 2015

Today at Carpe Diem Haiku Kai, we are talking about haiku structure … that is the various structural forms in which a modern western haiku can be written. There are the classical 5-7-5, then the 3-5-3 and finally free form haiku.

The first two structural forms try to imitate the Japanese onji – and the problem is that more often than not one can find oneself writing haiku which is stilted, since most western languages are not phonetic and are not based on sound like the Japanese language is. So today, Chèvrefeuille on the Ghost Writer post has asked us to try the three forms of haiku – sort of try them on for size!

(I spent the last week-end at Venice. We decided to visit the islands of Venice instead of the city proper – specifically Burano, Torcello and Murano. This is one of the photos taken there with which I will try to transmit the emotions of that day.)

over the canal
the gull looks for warm havens
cold winds are blowing

– shivering
a sharp cold wind blows
all seek heat

Murano
from the bridge – observe
even the gull looks cold

24 thoughts on “Carpe Diem Haiku Kai – GW Post – April 8, 2015”

Each one has its unique charm but I love the last one best

LikeLike

Reply ↓

Bastet on April 8, 2015 at 08:16 said:

Thanks .. I’m a free-styler at heart 😉

LikeLiked by 1 person

Reply ↓
- Tournesol (Clr) on April 8, 2015 at 13:34 said:
  
  Like my son says for lines on roads. They’re just suggested;)
  
  LikeLike
  
  Reply ↓
  - Bastet on April 9, 2015 at 07:49 said:
    
    🙂 smart kiddo!
    
    LikeLike
    
    Reply ↓
    - Tournesol (Clr) on April 9, 2015 at 08:01 said:
      
      Yes, I think Quebec drivers would find it fun to drive in Italy.
      
      LikeLike
    - Bastet on April 9, 2015 at 08:19 said:
      
      Alas .. they probably would, especially on the round-abouts! We got a Brit tourist to nearly pile up traffic – rented a car and entered the round-about in the wrong direction from force of habit! Of course that won’t happen to a Canadian … the problem here is you have to be a defensive driver … it’s like a battle field in certain cities!
      
      LikeLike
    - Tournesol (Clr) on April 9, 2015 at 08:28 said:
      
      Yes, they are defensive drivers here too but I hear it is much worse in Italy…that people honk rather than stop…geeez!!!
      
      LikeLike
    - Bastet on April 9, 2015 at 08:38 said:
      
      Very often .. they honk and they cuss … but don’t stop!
      
      LikeLike

I really enjoy the shortened versions so very much. Great job on all, Bastet

LikeLike

Reply ↓

Bastet on April 8, 2015 at 08:18 said:

Thanks Janice … I did the 5-7-5 for a long while until I got the feel of all the rules … then cut loose. Sometimes I still write a 5-7-5 but I prefer something less structured (now that I’ve got the hang of the thing.)

LikeLike

Reply ↓

Lovely!

LikeLiked by 1 person

Reply ↓

I probably like the first one best – maybe I’m a classical girl at heart – or it’s just the seagull! We went to Venice a couple of years ago at Easter and it was definitely a bit colder than we’d hoped and very wet. Did Murano on the sunniest day, which was amazing.

LikeLike

Reply ↓

Bastet on April 9, 2015 at 07:55 said:

Yes, Venice for Easter might not have been the best choice … and Easter this year was early so … wet, windy and cold. Haiku is a question of what jogs your spirit. If you enjoyed the first one more, that’s fine, nothing wrong with the old 5-7-5 if it’ll when it comes out without feeling stilted. And seagulls always attract me too.

LikeLiked by 1 person

Reply ↓

He does indeed look cold!!
For me, it’s a toss-up between the first and the third.
Great writing, Bastet! I’m struggling 😉

LikeLike

Reply ↓

Bastet on April 8, 2015 at 18:24 said:

I’m sorry you were struggling! I know though … as I have a crystal ball (yeah right) that things will be going better very soon! I was looking for some new Kerouac haiku and came across this blog … hasn’t been couched in a long time, but it was really great (and still is!)

http://haikuneverdie.blogspot.it/search/label/Jack%20Kerouac

LikeLike

Reply ↓
- Jen on April 8, 2015 at 18:31 said:
  
  Oh cool – I’m bookmarking that one for reference 🙂
  
  Love the quote there – “there’s your karma, ripe as peaches” 🙂
  
  Thanks – yes, things will come around – slowly but surely 🙂
  
  Hugs —
  
  LikeLiked by 1 person
  
  Reply ↓
  - Cressida on April 9, 2015 at 07:09 said:
    
    Me too….thanks Bastet !
    
    LikeLiked by 1 person
    
    Reply ↓

I usta write 3-5-3 poems I called “miniatures” because I didn’t think the counted as ‘real’ haiku (hey! I I didn’t know any better!) I should dig those out of my archives (I’m thinking that was back in 2002-2003…), and maybe try my hand at writing more…

(I’ve also had great fun writing clusters of what Allen Ginsberg called “American Sentences”…)

VENICE! The PBL promises to take me there some day…

LikeLike

Reply ↓

Bastet on April 8, 2015 at 21:04 said:

You really should go back to writing you miniatures … that’s much better than 5-7-5 … and i prefer Kerouac to Ginsberg … When the PBL takes you to Venice, give me a shout!

LikeLiked by 1 person

Reply ↓

Last one works best for me, but good on you for trying the different versions!

LikeLike

Reply ↓

Bastet on April 9, 2015 at 07:48 said:

Thanks Sue .. a little variety keeps us on our toes!

LikeLiked by 1 person

Reply ↓
- Sue on April 9, 2015 at 08:24 said:
  
  Certainly does!
  
  LikeLiked by 1 person
  
  Reply ↓

You captured the cold windy weather with the shivering seagulls.I like the the free verse best. 575 only works well very occasionally in English. In writing form it is almost impossible to write it without appearing stilted.Having said that I still like the challenge of poetic forms.
One of my treasures is a thick coloured Murano glass ashtray bought there light years ago ! Venice for Easter…lucky gal !

LikeLike

Reply ↓

Bastet on April 9, 2015 at 07:44 said:

Thanks Cressida for your lovely comment! I’ve done a lot of 5-7-5 and enjoy it from time to time .. I prefer tanka I think in the end .. a lot more space to move, but the free verse haiku is a great liberation from form.

LikeLike

Reply ↓

Tournesol (Clr) on April 8, 2015 at 07:03 said:

Each one has its unique charm but I love the last one best

LikeLike

Reply ↓
- Bastet on April 8, 2015 at 08:16 said:
  
  Thanks .. I’m a free-styler at heart 😉
  
  LikeLiked by 1 person
  
  Reply ↓
  - Tournesol (Clr) on April 8, 2015 at 13:34 said:
    
    Like my son says for lines on roads. They’re just suggested;)
    
    LikeLike
    
    Reply ↓
    - Bastet on April 9, 2015 at 07:49 said:
      
      🙂 smart kiddo!
      
      LikeLike
      
      Reply ↓
      - Tournesol (Clr) on April 9, 2015 at 08:01 said:
        
        Yes, I think Quebec drivers would find it fun to drive in Italy.
        
        LikeLike
      - Bastet on April 9, 2015 at 08:19 said:
        
        Alas .. they probably would, especially on the round-abouts! We got a Brit tourist to nearly pile up traffic – rented a car and entered the round-about in the wrong direction from force of habit! Of course that won’t happen to a Canadian … the problem here is you have to be a defensive driver … it’s like a battle field in certain cities!
        
        LikeLike
      - Tournesol (Clr) on April 9, 2015 at 08:28 said:
        
        Yes, they are defensive drivers here too but I hear it is much worse in Italy…that people honk rather than stop…geeez!!!
        
        LikeLike
      - Bastet on April 9, 2015 at 08:38 said:
        
        Very often .. they honk and they cuss … but don’t stop!
        
        LikeLike
janicead on April 8, 2015 at 07:23 said:

I really enjoy the shortened versions so very much. Great job on all, Bastet

LikeLike

Reply ↓
- Bastet on April 8, 2015 at 08:18 said:
  
  Thanks Janice … I did the 5-7-5 for a long while until I got the feel of all the rules … then cut loose. Sometimes I still write a 5-7-5 but I prefer something less structured (now that I’ve got the hang of the thing.)
  
  LikeLike
  
  Reply ↓
sarala D on April 8, 2015 at 08:52 said:

Lovely!

LikeLiked by 1 person

Reply ↓
Jackie Le Poidevin on April 8, 2015 at 09:49 said:

I probably like the first one best – maybe I’m a classical girl at heart – or it’s just the seagull! We went to Venice a couple of years ago at Easter and it was definitely a bit colder than we’d hoped and very wet. Did Murano on the sunniest day, which was amazing.

LikeLike

Reply ↓
- Bastet on April 9, 2015 at 07:55 said:
  
  Yes, Venice for Easter might not have been the best choice … and Easter this year was early so … wet, windy and cold. Haiku is a question of what jogs your spirit. If you enjoyed the first one more, that’s fine, nothing wrong with the old 5-7-5 if it’ll when it comes out without feeling stilted. And seagulls always attract me too.
  
  LikeLiked by 1 person
  
  Reply ↓
Jen on April 8, 2015 at 10:13 said:

He does indeed look cold!!
For me, it’s a toss-up between the first and the third.
Great writing, Bastet! I’m struggling 😉

LikeLike

Reply ↓
- Bastet on April 8, 2015 at 18:24 said:
  
  I’m sorry you were struggling! I know though … as I have a crystal ball (yeah right) that things will be going better very soon! I was looking for some new Kerouac haiku and came across this blog … hasn’t been couched in a long time, but it was really great (and still is!)
  
  http://haikuneverdie.blogspot.it/search/label/Jack%20Kerouac
  
  LikeLike
  
  Reply ↓
  - Jen on April 8, 2015 at 18:31 said:
    
    Oh cool – I’m bookmarking that one for reference 🙂
    
    Love the quote there – “there’s your karma, ripe as peaches” 🙂
    
    Thanks – yes, things will come around – slowly but surely 🙂
    
    Hugs —
    
    LikeLiked by 1 person
    
    Reply ↓
    - Cressida on April 9, 2015 at 07:09 said:
      
      Me too….thanks Bastet !
      
      LikeLiked by 1 person
      
      Reply ↓
yeoldefoole on April 8, 2015 at 13:50 said:

I usta write 3-5-3 poems I called “miniatures” because I didn’t think the counted as ‘real’ haiku (hey! I I didn’t know any better!) I should dig those out of my archives (I’m thinking that was back in 2002-2003…), and maybe try my hand at writing more…

(I’ve also had great fun writing clusters of what Allen Ginsberg called “American Sentences”…)

VENICE! The PBL promises to take me there some day…

LikeLike

Reply ↓
- Bastet on April 8, 2015 at 21:04 said:
  
  You really should go back to writing you miniatures … that’s much better than 5-7-5 … and i prefer Kerouac to Ginsberg … When the PBL takes you to Venice, give me a shout!
  
  LikeLiked by 1 person
  
  Reply ↓
Sue on April 8, 2015 at 14:29 said:

Last one works best for me, but good on you for trying the different versions!

LikeLike

Reply ↓
- Bastet on April 9, 2015 at 07:48 said:
  
  Thanks Sue .. a little variety keeps us on our toes!
  
  LikeLiked by 1 person
  
  Reply ↓
  - Sue on April 9, 2015 at 08:24 said:
    
    Certainly does!
    
    LikeLiked by 1 person
    
    Reply ↓
Cressida on April 9, 2015 at 07:17 said:

You captured the cold windy weather with the shivering seagulls.I like the the free verse best. 575 only works well very occasionally in English. In writing form it is almost impossible to write it without appearing stilted.Having said that I still like the challenge of poetic forms.
One of my treasures is a thick coloured Murano glass ashtray bought there light years ago ! Venice for Easter…lucky gal !

LikeLike

Reply ↓
- Bastet on April 9, 2015 at 07:44 said:
  
  Thanks Cressida for your lovely comment! I’ve done a lot of 5-7-5 and enjoy it from time to time .. I prefer tanka I think in the end .. a lot more space to move, but the free verse haiku is a great liberation from form.
  
  LikeLike
  
  Reply ↓