ferns – TANKA – June 17, 2015

TRANSLUCENT FERNS

The melting frost
ablaze in the warming
the wetness of the morning
changing the light

The ferns turned
from green to brown
from summer to autumn
but in the morning translucent
lit from behind

As the frost bleeds away
the lobes of the fern turned
warming in the light
of the autumn morning
as I rush on by

© Raymond A. Foss

The goal in tokubetsudesu is to distill or rewrite a poem by another author.  This week it’s a distillation of a beautiful poem by Raymond A. Foss, which I’ve copied for you above.  Here’s my effort:

drip drip dripping
like a wounded creature
the frost melts
translucent frost-bitten ferns
warm in the autumn sunshine

© G.s.k. ‘15

And here’s how the author distilled his own poem into a haiku!

The ferns alive, clear
translucent before dying
almost like windows…

© Raymond A Foss

Here’s our host’s haiku distillation:

fragile beauty
through leaves of ferns
I see the sun

torn ferns
I use their leaves like a fan
Ah! that coolness

© Chèvrefeuille

For:

Carpe Diem Tokubetsudesu #48 ferns

20 thoughts on “ferns – TANKA – June 17, 2015

  1. Really wonderful how you brought all the different pieces of this together – in showcasing the original – your explanations and beautiful version, etc. Great imagery invoked with so few words! Well done 🙂

    Like

    • Thanks MJ … I love to do these sort of prompts … and this was actually a difficult one as the poem itself has something of a haiku quality. And of course, the author distilled his own work which kind of threw me as I’d written the tanka before I’d read his distillation – so I feel my interpretation is a bit off …

      Liked by 1 person

in shadows light - walking under weeping pines - spring rain

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