ferns – TANKA – June 17, 2015 | Bastet and Sekhmet's Library

TRANSLUCENT FERNS

The melting frost
ablaze in the warming
the wetness of the morning
changing the light

The ferns turned
from green to brown
from summer to autumn
but in the morning translucent
lit from behind

As the frost bleeds away
the lobes of the fern turned
warming in the light
of the autumn morning
as I rush on by

The goal in tokubetsudesu is to distill or rewrite a poem by another author. This week it’s a distillation of a beautiful poem by Raymond A. Foss, which I’ve copied for you above. Here’s my effort:

drip drip dripping
like a wounded creature
the frost melts
translucent frost-bitten ferns
warm in the autumn sunshine

And here’s how the author distilled his own poem into a haiku!

The ferns alive, clear
translucent before dying
almost like windows…

Here’s our host’s haiku distillation:

fragile beauty
through leaves of ferns
I see the sun

torn ferns
I use their leaves like a fan
Ah! that coolness

For:

Carpe Diem Tokubetsudesu #48 ferns

20 thoughts on “ferns – TANKA – June 17, 2015”

A beautiful distillation — brava 🙂

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Bastet on June 18, 2015 at 07:36 said:

Thanks … it’s been a while .. a fun way to inspire haiku!

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Ah YES!!! I can see the ferns frozen on my window…so clever!!

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Bastet on June 18, 2015 at 07:37 said:

Thanks Oliana … fortunately my ferns they only suffered a little frost 😉

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- Oliana on June 18, 2015 at 07:53 said:
  
  Except for wild ferns, I’ve never seen any around here outside. My grandmother, however had a green thumb for ferns indoors.
  
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  - Bastet on June 18, 2015 at 08:12 said:
    
    Cool … I see ferns all around in the woods … but don’t have any indoor. Might be an interesting plant to pick up.
    
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    - Oliana on June 18, 2015 at 09:05 said:
      
      It likes cool not too sunny areas and it was in summer that I would lose mine.
      
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    - Bastet on June 19, 2015 at 05:15 said:
      
      Like I lose my cyclamens … but last year, one started growing again as soon as it got cooler …
      
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I’m sure those frost-bitten ferns are grateful for every drip, drip, drip of the melting ice!

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Bastet on June 18, 2015 at 07:37 said:

I think you’re probably right about that Mark!

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A tanka with powerful mood, feeling and imagery there

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Bastet on June 18, 2015 at 07:38 said:

Thanks Hamish for your lovely comment!

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Really wonderful how you brought all the different pieces of this together – in showcasing the original – your explanations and beautiful version, etc. Great imagery invoked with so few words! Well done 🙂

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Bastet on June 18, 2015 at 07:41 said:

Thanks MJ … I love to do these sort of prompts … and this was actually a difficult one as the poem itself has something of a haiku quality. And of course, the author distilled his own work which kind of threw me as I’d written the tanka before I’d read his distillation – so I feel my interpretation is a bit off …

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- mj6969 on June 18, 2015 at 14:45 said:
  
  Actually – I don’t think it is – because it’s your interpretation – and as I said – I thought it really all worked so well together. At any rate – you did a wonderful job with it all. 😀
  
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  Reply ↓
  - Bastet on June 19, 2015 at 05:11 said:
    
    Thanks … and in the end I agree with you. 😉
    
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    Reply ↓

What a wonderfully different thought of melting frost being a wounded creature. Well done!

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Bastet on June 18, 2015 at 07:35 said:

Thanks Janice … I think it came from the image in the poem … that is he wrote: “As the frost bleeds away” …

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Frost bleeds away…very lovely x

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Bastet on June 26, 2015 at 06:09 said:

Thanks Justine 🙂

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Jen on June 17, 2015 at 08:13 said:

A beautiful distillation — brava 🙂

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- Bastet on June 18, 2015 at 07:36 said:
  
  Thanks … it’s been a while .. a fun way to inspire haiku!
  
  LikeLike
  
  Reply ↓
Oliana on June 17, 2015 at 08:21 said:

Ah YES!!! I can see the ferns frozen on my window…so clever!!

LikeLiked by 1 person

Reply ↓
- Bastet on June 18, 2015 at 07:37 said:
  
  Thanks Oliana … fortunately my ferns they only suffered a little frost 😉
  
  LikeLike
  
  Reply ↓
  - Oliana on June 18, 2015 at 07:53 said:
    
    Except for wild ferns, I’ve never seen any around here outside. My grandmother, however had a green thumb for ferns indoors.
    
    LikeLike
    
    Reply ↓
    - Bastet on June 18, 2015 at 08:12 said:
      
      Cool … I see ferns all around in the woods … but don’t have any indoor. Might be an interesting plant to pick up.
      
      LikeLike
      
      Reply ↓
      - Oliana on June 18, 2015 at 09:05 said:
        
        It likes cool not too sunny areas and it was in summer that I would lose mine.
        
        LikeLike
      - Bastet on June 19, 2015 at 05:15 said:
        
        Like I lose my cyclamens … but last year, one started growing again as soon as it got cooler …
        
        LikeLike
Mark M. Redfearn on June 17, 2015 at 13:59 said:

I’m sure those frost-bitten ferns are grateful for every drip, drip, drip of the melting ice!

LikeLiked by 1 person

Reply ↓
- Bastet on June 18, 2015 at 07:37 said:
  
  I think you’re probably right about that Mark!
  
  LikeLike
  
  Reply ↓
From my Forest (@hamish_gunn) on June 17, 2015 at 23:54 said:

A tanka with powerful mood, feeling and imagery there

LikeLiked by 1 person

Reply ↓
- Bastet on June 18, 2015 at 07:38 said:
  
  Thanks Hamish for your lovely comment!
  
  LikeLike
  
  Reply ↓
mj6969 on June 18, 2015 at 00:29 said:

Really wonderful how you brought all the different pieces of this together – in showcasing the original – your explanations and beautiful version, etc. Great imagery invoked with so few words! Well done 🙂

LikeLike

Reply ↓
- Bastet on June 18, 2015 at 07:41 said:
  
  Thanks MJ … I love to do these sort of prompts … and this was actually a difficult one as the poem itself has something of a haiku quality. And of course, the author distilled his own work which kind of threw me as I’d written the tanka before I’d read his distillation – so I feel my interpretation is a bit off …
  
  LikeLiked by 1 person
  
  Reply ↓
  - mj6969 on June 18, 2015 at 14:45 said:
    
    Actually – I don’t think it is – because it’s your interpretation – and as I said – I thought it really all worked so well together. At any rate – you did a wonderful job with it all. 😀
    
    LikeLike
    
    Reply ↓
    - Bastet on June 19, 2015 at 05:11 said:
      
      Thanks … and in the end I agree with you. 😉
      
      LikeLiked by 1 person
      
      Reply ↓
janicead on June 18, 2015 at 06:01 said:

What a wonderfully different thought of melting frost being a wounded creature. Well done!

LikeLike

Reply ↓
- Bastet on June 18, 2015 at 07:35 said:
  
  Thanks Janice … I think it came from the image in the poem … that is he wrote: “As the frost bleeds away” …
  
  LikeLike
  
  Reply ↓
eclecticoddsnsods on June 25, 2015 at 09:37 said:

Frost bleeds away…very lovely x

LikeLiked by 1 person

Reply ↓
- Bastet on June 26, 2015 at 06:09 said:
  
  Thanks Justine 🙂
  
  LikeLiked by 1 person
  
  Reply ↓