Heeding Haiku – Chiyo-Ni Rewrite – December 10, 2015

Posted on December 10, 2015 by Bastet

taoraruru hito ni kaoru ya ume no hana

the flowering branch of the plum
gives its scent
to him who broke it off

Ryuch

now broken
this plum branch remains
her memory of spring

Heeding Haiku With Chèvrefeuille December 9th 2015 “(rewrite) Chiyo-Ni”

24 thoughts on “Heeding Haiku – Chiyo-Ni Rewrite – December 10, 2015”

Paloma on December 10, 2015 at 08:27 said:

Very nicely done 🙂

LikeLike

Reply ↓
- Bastet on December 10, 2015 at 09:55 said:
  
  Thanks .. it’s not easy to write like her at all, I’m afraid this might be a dud.
  
  LikeLiked by 1 person
  
  Reply ↓
  - Paloma on December 10, 2015 at 09:58 said:
    
    Not a dud at all …
    
    Mine will probably venture far from her style…as I’m opting for a similar message but not so much her tone.
    
    Hugs
    
    LikeLiked by 1 person
    
    Reply ↓
    - Bastet on December 10, 2015 at 10:04 said:
      
      Good for you, I’m looking forward to see what you come up with Jen, you’ve always got a magnificent style and very original takes … I envy you that! Hugs
      
      LikeLiked by 1 person
      
      Reply ↓
      - Paloma on December 10, 2015 at 10:22 said:
        
        What a wonderful comment … thank you 🙂
        It’s live … not sure how good it is … but … we’ll see 🙂
        
        LikeLike
      - Bastet on December 10, 2015 at 12:35 said:
        
        I’m wading through the links at this moment!
        
        LikeLiked by 1 person
joanna on December 10, 2015 at 11:52 said:

Actually, I prefer yours: it has the depth of allowing things to fade, lose their beauty but wabi-like, still manage to retain beauty. The memory doesn’t fade even if the petals and leaves do. I don’t see any of that in the original.

BTW, any chance of a reader switching that confusing snow off?

LikeLiked by 1 person

Reply ↓
- Bastet on December 10, 2015 at 12:58 said:
  
  Thanks you Joanna .. a lovely critique and a fine compliment. About the snow … I don’t think the reader can switch that off … as I write on white, it usually doesn’t create a lot of problems … but on other sites it can be a pain. Does it bother you here?
  
  LikeLike
  
  Reply ↓
- writersdream9 on December 10, 2015 at 15:27 said:
  
  Hi Joanna! There is a way to turn it off. If you go to your settings on your dashboard and scroll almost down to the bottom, you’ll see the option to turn it off.
  
  LikeLiked by 1 person
  
  Reply ↓
  - Bastet on December 11, 2015 at 06:00 said:
    
    Didn’t know that a reader could turn that off for other sites, thanks Carol for the info.
    
    LikeLiked by 1 person
    
    Reply ↓
    - writersdream9 on December 11, 2015 at 13:30 said:
      
      You’re welcome! O discovered it trying to turn the snow on! 🙂
      
      LikeLiked by 1 person
      
      Reply ↓
Rall on December 10, 2015 at 14:19 said:

I like the continuation of Chio – Ni…nice progression…flows well.

LikeLiked by 1 person

Reply ↓
- Bastet on December 11, 2015 at 05:57 said:
  
  Thanks Rall.
  
  LikeLike
  
  Reply ↓
writersdream9 on December 10, 2015 at 15:28 said:

I love yours because it includes a season. Very nice!

LikeLiked by 1 person

Reply ↓
- Bastet on December 11, 2015 at 06:00 said:
  
  Thanks Carol …
  
  LikeLiked by 1 person
  
  Reply ↓
Jael Aster on December 10, 2015 at 23:02 said:

I like this one a lot–very lovely, serene.

LikeLiked by 1 person

Reply ↓
- Bastet on December 11, 2015 at 06:24 said:
  
  Thanks Jael ..
  
  LikeLike
  
  Reply ↓
  - Jael Aster on December 11, 2015 at 07:07 said:
    
    Most welcome.
    
    LikeLiked by 1 person
    
    Reply ↓
Cheryl-Lynn on December 14, 2015 at 11:27 said:

I just love Chiyo-Ni’s poetry! Got me to read and buy more books on her work as well as Jennifer Nu. Your response is truly lovely, cara, subtle as she writes which is not an easy task.

LikeLiked by 1 person

Reply ↓
- Bastet on December 15, 2015 at 06:40 said:
  
  I guess that although I was a “flower Child” when writing I much prefer subtle when it comes to erotica … and I do so agree, she’s the best. I’ll have to look into Jennifer Nu.
  
  LikeLike
  
  Reply ↓
julespaige on December 14, 2015 at 13:32 said:

Some memories one would like to be broken and forgotten.
I like your delicate touch.

(Visit when you can – we are to enjoy our ‘net’ time, yes?)

LikeLike

Reply ↓
- Bastet on December 15, 2015 at 06:48 said:
  
  Thanks dearest Jules … I find that I visit a lot less than I used to and write a lot less too. But I miss our ‘net’ time as well and hope to get my act together soon. Thanks for dropping by. Hugs
  
  LikeLiked by 1 person
  
  Reply ↓
  - julespaige on December 15, 2015 at 13:04 said:
    
    We can only do what we are able.
    Never a rush – BeeBee isn’t going anywhere. I try to write them as stand-alones. The link has them all – the newest snippets are on the top of the list. To be read for enjoyment – never a chore.
    
    Some days I write more others less. But I try to write something everyday. Writing for yourself doesn’t mean that you have to post. Enjoy your creativity!
    
    LikeLiked by 1 person
    
    Reply ↓
    - Bastet on December 15, 2015 at 18:17 said:
      
      Good advice Jules … thanks for the understanding.
      
      LikeLiked by 1 person
      
      Reply ↓

silence is golden, words pearls of wisdom...your comments are treasured! Cancel reply

Enter your comment here...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

Email (Address never made public)

Name

Website

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. ( Log Out / Change )

You are commenting using your Twitter account. ( Log Out / Change )

You are commenting using your Facebook account. ( Log Out / Change )

You are commenting using your Google+ account. ( Log Out / Change )

Cancel

Connecting to %s

All About Writing and more

Lorraine's frilly freudian slip

life in the bipolarsphere

The Medieval Tailor

Tottie Talks Crafts Blog

Noreen Crone-Findlay talks about the crafts she loves with her friend, Tottie Tomato. They'll be sharing tutorials, how to's and step by steps for spool knitting, crochet, doll making, small loom weaving, wood working, paper crafts and all manner of other fun crafts. This is a family friendly blog.

cronefindlay

The Big Blue Bully Bus

Random musings, observations and thoughts from inside a VW camper van.

Mis Lucja

Reflections

It was like life held its arms open, to embrace me once again

speculative materialism

a forum for the study of the materialism and ontology of finance

Leonas Lines--Poetry Plus

Written Thoughts are unlocked Treasures of the mind...

The Cat Chronicles

Welcome to the Feline World of Nera, Tabby and Fluffy

Grandma Says..

Observations and views from a different set of eyes

Self-Published Authors Helping Other Authors

Advice on Writing, Publishing, and Book Promotion

Zeebra Designs & Destinations

An Artist's Eyes Never Rest

exiles child

Poems

Reading Pleasure

A blog of books and literature

The Chalk Hills Kitchen

Misk Cooks

Holoholo Girls

wāhine on the go

Tournesol dans un jardin

WAKA

Carpe Diem's Tanka Splendor

Carpe Diem's Tanka Splendor is part of the Carpe Diem Haiku Family. It's a weekly tanka-meme in which you can write and share tanka inspired on a given prompt every Saturday (mostlty, sometimes it will be on another day).

haikubloguk

Haiku inspired (mostly) by my walks in and around Eastbourne

Potholes in the Road of Life

Often rough and filled with switchbacks, the road this child of God is traveling Home.

THOTPURGE

Incomplete Thots...

Jane Dougherty Writes

About fantastical places and other stuff

adarkenedhouse

mind {is} the gap

1sojournal

echoes from the silence