Heeding Haiku – Chiyo-Ni Rewrite – December 10, 2015

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taoraruru hito ni kaoru ya ume no hana

the flowering branch of the plum
gives its scent
to him who broke it off

© Chiyo-Ni

Ryuch

now broken
this plum branch remains
her memory of spring

© G.s.k. ‘15

Heeding Haiku With Chèvrefeuille December 9th 2015 “(rewrite) Chiyo-Ni”

24 thoughts on “Heeding Haiku – Chiyo-Ni Rewrite – December 10, 2015”

  2. Actually, I prefer yours: it has the depth of allowing things to fade, lose their beauty but wabi-like, still manage to retain beauty. The memory doesn’t fade even if the petals and leaves do. I don’t see any of that in the original.

    BTW, any chance of a reader switching that confusing snow off?

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply ↓

    • I guess that although I was a “flower Child” when writing I much prefer subtle when it comes to erotica … and I do so agree, she’s the best. I’ll have to look into Jennifer Nu.

      Like

      Reply ↓

    • Thanks dearest Jules … I find that I visit a lot less than I used to and write a lot less too. But I miss our ‘net’ time as well and hope to get my act together soon. Thanks for dropping by. Hugs

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply ↓

      • We can only do what we are able.
        Never a rush – BeeBee isn’t going anywhere. I try to write them as stand-alones. The link has them all – the newest snippets are on the top of the list. To be read for enjoyment – never a chore.

        Some days I write more others less. But I try to write something everyday. Writing for yourself doesn’t mean that you have to post. Enjoy your creativity!

        Liked by 1 person

        Reply ↓

in shadows light - walking under weeping pines - spring rain

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