taoraruru hito ni kaoru ya ume no hana
the flowering branch of the plum
gives its scent
to him who broke it off
© Chiyo-Ni
now broken
this plum branch remains
her memory of spring
© G.s.k. ‘15
Heeding Haiku With Chèvrefeuille December 9th 2015 “(rewrite) Chiyo-Ni”
Very nicely done 🙂
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Thanks .. it’s not easy to write like her at all, I’m afraid this might be a dud.
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Not a dud at all …
Mine will probably venture far from her style…as I’m opting for a similar message but not so much her tone.
Hugs
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Good for you, I’m looking forward to see what you come up with Jen, you’ve always got a magnificent style and very original takes … I envy you that! Hugs
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What a wonderful comment … thank you 🙂
It’s live … not sure how good it is … but … we’ll see 🙂
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I’m wading through the links at this moment!
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Actually, I prefer yours: it has the depth of allowing things to fade, lose their beauty but wabi-like, still manage to retain beauty. The memory doesn’t fade even if the petals and leaves do. I don’t see any of that in the original.
BTW, any chance of a reader switching that confusing snow off?
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Thanks you Joanna .. a lovely critique and a fine compliment. About the snow … I don’t think the reader can switch that off … as I write on white, it usually doesn’t create a lot of problems … but on other sites it can be a pain. Does it bother you here?
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Hi Joanna! There is a way to turn it off. If you go to your settings on your dashboard and scroll almost down to the bottom, you’ll see the option to turn it off.
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Didn’t know that a reader could turn that off for other sites, thanks Carol for the info.
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You’re welcome! O discovered it trying to turn the snow on! 🙂
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I like the continuation of Chio – Ni…nice progression…flows well.
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Thanks Rall.
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I love yours because it includes a season. Very nice!
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Thanks Carol …
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I like this one a lot–very lovely, serene.
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Thanks Jael ..
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Most welcome.
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I just love Chiyo-Ni’s poetry! Got me to read and buy more books on her work as well as Jennifer Nu. Your response is truly lovely, cara, subtle as she writes which is not an easy task.
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I guess that although I was a “flower Child” when writing I much prefer subtle when it comes to erotica … and I do so agree, she’s the best. I’ll have to look into Jennifer Nu.
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Some memories one would like to be broken and forgotten.
I like your delicate touch.
(Visit when you can – we are to enjoy our ‘net’ time, yes?)
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Thanks dearest Jules … I find that I visit a lot less than I used to and write a lot less too. But I miss our ‘net’ time as well and hope to get my act together soon. Thanks for dropping by. Hugs
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We can only do what we are able.
Never a rush – BeeBee isn’t going anywhere. I try to write them as stand-alones. The link has them all – the newest snippets are on the top of the list. To be read for enjoyment – never a chore.
Some days I write more others less. But I try to write something everyday. Writing for yourself doesn’t mean that you have to post. Enjoy your creativity!
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Good advice Jules … thanks for the understanding.
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