In Passing
feelings
receding facts
lost old horizons
death
removed the fever
of my feelings
now I am – numb.
© G.s.k. ‘16
Six months have passed since my husband died in a fatal accident. The strange thing about sudden death is that it leaves you feeling that everything is some sort of joke. That you’ll turn around and your loved one will be there giggling at you for having been so silly to fall for it. Only that never happens.
Life continues in its everyday normalcy leaving things hanging like a broken spider web floating in the wind. Unresolved problems, unresolved actions. Sometimes out of the blue one of those problems will pop out … and you fall into a memory hole. Like today, when the new furnace went on the blink again. Ciao, Bastet.
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Words: feelings, facts, receding, horizon, fever, numb
With a syllable count of 2-3-5-1-5-4-5, the Hungarian Badriomaku is interesting in that it gives you a structure that doesn’t fit any preconceived ideas.
I was introduced to this form by Graeme. Thanks, Graeme!
Bastet and Sekhmet's Library 
oh how awesome! A Hungarian form! I am half Hungarian! I had no idea it existed. Great poem–I know how you feel. My sister died suddenly 2 years ago. We used to share living space. I still can’t walk by her room without cracking her door open expecting her to be there but she never is because she’s gone.
My condolences on your loss, which must be a far greater hurt than the loss of a sibling.
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Reblogged this on Graeme Sandford and commented:
Thank you for remembering the Badriomaku. Life is sad and memories hit you when they like. Keep on writing and keep the nemories. It’s all a part of our being. G
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Thanks so much for the reblog and the lovely sentiments you’ve expressed here. The Badriomaku is a lovely form and I was happy to have remembered it myself.
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Oooh…a new short form for me to discover! Thanks for that. And…those end notes….my condolences! Numbness, indeed.
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So sorry.
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Thank you.
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I wish I could help, Bastet, Cara.
Hoping you can break through that numbness into the light. 《Hug》
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Well … it was a very very busy last few days and that really helped a lot … thanks Paloma … and I’m hoping you’re doing well! Hugs to you.
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Bastet, I had no idea…my heart goes out to you….all that you write of so beautifully, the old horizons, the numbness, the way it feels like a joke, the spider web, the memory hole….it resonates so powerfully. Thank you for sharing with us. Wishing you comfort.
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Thank you C.C. for your nearness.
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We are each alone in our unique losses but are near to one another in the understanding we can share with each other of the nature of grief and the profound impact it has on us. So, yes, I am here.
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And so we walk in the memories, the wonderful ones, and the darker ones, and ultimately, we end up in the same place, with tears falling. Shock and disbelief, and the sense of “no, really, this isn’t real, it can’t be” – and yet the world continues to expand and contract, as do our breaths, in each and every moment, and we continue to walk and work and play, some days in dazed auto pilot, in other seconds, with the fevered state of wonder and curiosity.
Sympathies to you and your family – and certainly, may you find some peace and comfort – for you will continue to expand and live, to walk this space and time, and resonate with all that is the inner strength and beauty and love that is you, even when it doesn’t seem real.
Be well Georgia 🙂
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Dearest Peg, You’ve left me without words … thank you for your exquisite piece here. Hugs Georgia.
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Ah Cara, I am with you and wish I could hug you right now. You named it well, “a black hole of memory”. I can only imagine with this sudden loss, even if loss is difficult…when it is sudden, you must give your head a swift turn sometimes and wonder what is real. Gros câlin, mon amie xx
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Merci Oli, it’s been a bumpy road .. and there are easier days and more difficult days … it’s friends like you who make it easier. Thanks for your hug and understanding.
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