Jisei* – Cut-Up Technique – September 12, 2015

Treporti

Jisei*

They grieved at close of day
[Good men at their end – wise men]
Go gentle – their frail deeds forked no lightning

Rage, rage at close of day
[Grave men – because old age should burn and rave]
Go gentle – against the dying of the light

And learn who sang late at close of day;
[Wild men – see with blinding sight at close of day]
Go gentle – frail deeds might have danced – that night

Near death – be gay at close of day; I pray
[Grave men – the sun in flight, danced in a green bay]
Go gentle – like meteors against the dying of the light.

Learn who sang late at close of day;
Old age should burn and rave
Like meteors against the dying of the light
Go gentle – know that your fierce deeds danced
Rage not – go gentle into that good night.

© G.s.k. ‘15

I wrote this poem using the Cut-Up Technique – The original poem is by Dylan Thomas entitled  “Do not go gentle into that good night”

Dylan Thomas, 1914 – 1953

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

This experiment was don for: B&P’s Shadorma & Beyond – September 12, 2015 – Cut-Up Technique

I have to admit I rather enjoyed using Dylan Thomas’ words to reply to his poem about death.  Of course, one doesn’t want to see one’s father dying … but I wouldn’t want to weigh my father down with my anguish on his death-bed … As I see it death is on an equal footing with life … and I’ve often thought that it is a sort of birth … as birth is a sort of death.

I’d like to thank Paloma for introducing me to this great Technique … very interesting indeed – follow the link above to see how it works!

* Jisei is a Japanese death poem one writes before dying that should tell something of what we were before passing.

Distill that Poem – Carpe Diem Haiku Kai – June 10, 2014

Do not go gentle into that good night (Villanelle)

Dylan Thomas, 1914 – 1953

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.


This is a beautiful albeit bitter villanelle, Dylan Thomas here rebels against that time in life when men renounce their vitality and await inevitable death:

Do not go gentle into that good night (Senryu)

rebel this tired fate!
make your eyes ablaze with youth …
even though night falls.

aged wisdom yours,
bitter with expierience,
tired – you greet death.

sing once more then dance!
your life is not forfeit yet …
live until the last.

no, not docile father,
as a sheep goes to slaughter,
curse with fierce tears – night

(c) G.s.k.

logo cd'S distillationCarpe Diem’s Distillation – Dylan Thomas