Suddenly an undefined dissatisfaction roiled inside irritating as a dripping faucet. She roamed around the room absent-mindedly . Then grabbed her pen and began to write. After about 15 minutes of intense scribbles, she crumpled up the sheet of paper towing it and the pen across the room.
She roamed into the kitchen .. looking for something she wouldn’t find.
The phone rang and for twenty minuets she replied with monosyllables and grunts to the long rambling of her friend’s soliloquy. A blow-by-blow description accompanied his account as he went into the gory details of who said what and when and how bad it made him feel and of course she’d pay and indeed was paying … her own mind was drifting and she thought, will it never end, when suddenly it did (he was getting no satisfaction at all from this conversation and decided to call his friend Mark instead).
She turned on the computer and chose a YouTube playlist of what was supposed to be “soothing music for relaxation”. She began to fix dinner, as the food simmered in pots, she set the table. There it was again … a random rolling wave that rolled over her head so that she felt light-headed. A voice but not exactly a voice, in her mind, whispered: now would it really matter if she just gave in … just once, It’s been five days now because she was strong, so, she could just go for one more, she was strong enough to do that, just one more cigarette, what the hell would happen if she smoked just one more cigarette … and then as it had come on, the moment passed.
She looked at the chart. That was the third one today, better than yesterday. Just a few more days now and the attacks would become negligible. Then she’d really have to be careful, those late comers were traitorous when they popped up she knew. She wouldn’t be going through withdrawal again if she’d resisted a couple of years back. Hell 15 years without smoking just to be back at square one. She felt sort of mad at herself but she was also pleased that she was back on track. She anticipated that surge of energy that was soon to be hers, the tastes and smells that would be intensified. Just a few more days she thought.